I'm just wondering for how long I will be doomed to chase after the wrong guys.

The nothingness just recently took the place of my seemingly normal, beautiful, sweet, warm, tenderhearted man. Invasion of the body snatchers anyone?

But seriously. How many times is someone expected to put up with this situation? You start seeing someone and everything seems all good. I mean, it really seems all good...come-live-at-my-house all good. Not only are there phone calls when you expect a phone call, there're unexpected phone calls AND text messages for the express purpose of romance; there're deep, honest, meaningful conversations; there're jokes that have you rolling on the floor, crying and unable to breathe; there're cuddle sessions that make your heart want to burst; and there're kisses that would melt iron. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds about right. And then one day, completely out of the blue, they flip the switch. Exit Dr. Jekyll, enter Mr. Hyde if you will. Actually, in this case, exit Dr. Jekyll...AND NEVER HEAR FROM OR OF HIM AGAIN.

Who does that???

Ok. Ten points to the person who can guess exactly how that feels.



Good!

So, I guess I'm Wile E. Coyote in this scenerio. However, I feel anything but wily.

Although I think I have hit on the ideal analogy. Oh how I love an analogy...

I just spent a few minutes reminiscing about watching Looney Tunes as a kid. This cartoon was definitely one of my favorites. Here was this little guy making a completely fool out of himself...just endlessly chasing after the seemingly dumbest animal in the whole world. And not only was his prey worthless (it was A BIRD. What did he exactly expect to feast on if caught?), all of his efforts kept blowing up in his face...not to mention injuring him severely. One trick after another would fail miserably, but he'd never get the hint. But, who can blame the fellow for aiming so poorly. They were after all, in the desert. What else was there? I loved it even more when he talked. He was so wry and genteel. I thought it was hilarious and perfect. You'd expect him to be a maniac, but no. He was perfectly logical. No wonder he never quit. There was no reason that he should fail.

Sound familiar? Unsettling so.

Let's face it. The dating field is a little uneven. I do feel as if I'm in a desert. I do feel as if I run myself ragged after anything that could be considered sustenance. I do feel as if all my efforts no matter how well thought out, come crashing back onto me. I do feel like I look like a crazy person in the process. And to drive it home, I do feel like I just shouldn't be failing. I'm a perfectly logical, level-headed person. I just can't accept that I could be bested by anyone.

My point is though I don't want to be Wile E. Coyote. He was a complete joke.

I recently read a short essay about real animals that live in the desert. They couldn't be more opposite. They conserve their energy and ultimately survive by moving as little as possible. The author was comparing these animals with our future generations and the qualities they would have to possess in order to survive in the ever-increasing emotionally devoid landscape of America. Here here!

I don't want to sound bitter at all. But I am realizing that I am letting myself be taken in by illusions. Sure, my time wasn't completely wasted..it was fun and made me feel on top of the world. But the low of this is so much more profound than any high from a "You're the best." text message.

As unromantic as it sounds, there's something to be said for saving your time and energy and effort..as well as saving your heart from unsolicited confusion. What's wrong with a little conservation? I'll move of course when the time is right. But no more moving for the sake of doing so.