Excuse my absence.
Over the last few days I've been engaged in a fierce battle. It's tested my will to live, my physical endurance, and my spiritual and psychological limits. I've had to face countless demons only to be forced to beat them back against Brobdingnagian tides of adversity. I have lost myself and had to dive to the depths of my very soul to retrieve even a shred of a reason to why I should recover what was lost.
I have been Master Cleansing for 93 now and I feel like I'm going to eat my own arm if I don't get a cheeseburger.
The torture of self-induced starvation is like no other solely because it's something you're doing to your self. I have let my inner slave driver loose upon myself, of all people. I must be insane. I must have, somewhere, somehow, lost my marbles. It's the only explanation.
For those of you who haven't heard of the Master Cleanse, it's basically a 10 day journey into Hades, where the only thing you're allowed to consume is warm salt water, Senna tea, and lemonade made from maple syrup, lemons, and cayenne pepper.
WTF, ya'll.
This magical concoction supposedly has the power to cleanse your system of anything that may be plaguing it. Ulcers? Banished! Mucus? Finished! Acne? Deceased! Third nipple? Ok, you'll have to go to a dermatologist for that. But it's a minor procedure and you could probably do it on your lunch hour.
When I first read about this cleanse, I have to say, I was NOT AT ALL skeptical. I accepted it as mother's milk. I attempted it at that time. I actually got to the very place I am now. The fourth day. But I had a lunch meeting with a client and I felt it would be unprofessional to not eat and only drink from a bottle that I was keeping in my purse. …And I was starving to death. Also, there weren't any mind blowing "results"...if you catch my drift. Ew.
This time around I'm wiser and with that wisdom has come the skepticism. However, regardless I am sticking to it this go-round. I'm determined to do the whole ten days. Even if nothing happens at least I can say I did it all the way through and be able to say with authority that the Master Cleanse is a crock of shit. Whereas the last time there was a little voice in my head that kept nagging me with things like "I bet if you had stuck with it just one more day something big would have happened." I must dispel of these questions and find the truth I so desperately seek.
You may be wondering what it must feel like to not eat for four days. Unless of course you're anorexic. Then you're probably not wondering that at all. For the rest of you I’ll tell you it's hellish. That's the only word I can think of. Sure, there are some benefits that I've noticed. I have a little bit more energy. My circulation seems a bit better. I have more time in the day now that I no longer need a lunch break. Who likes those anyways? I’ve also developed a ridiculous sense of smell. But I don’t know if I would consider any of these things amazing, starve-yourself-stupid-to-get benefits. On the whole I just feel hungry. That's it. It seems to be all I can think of. From what foods I miss, to what foods I want to try, to how much I miss chewing, it's ALL I can think about.
I feel ridiculous and I'm really having the hardest time continuing this. I keep reading all these other people's experiences and I just feel like calling bullshit.
Who knows? Perhaps by tomorrow all will be righted. I don't really see that happening though unless I find my face in a pepperoni personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut®.
Either that or this cleanse forces a brontosaurus from my bowels.
Over the last few days I've been engaged in a fierce battle. It's tested my will to live, my physical endurance, and my spiritual and psychological limits. I've had to face countless demons only to be forced to beat them back against Brobdingnagian tides of adversity. I have lost myself and had to dive to the depths of my very soul to retrieve even a shred of a reason to why I should recover what was lost.
I have been Master Cleansing for 93 now and I feel like I'm going to eat my own arm if I don't get a cheeseburger.
The torture of self-induced starvation is like no other solely because it's something you're doing to your self. I have let my inner slave driver loose upon myself, of all people. I must be insane. I must have, somewhere, somehow, lost my marbles. It's the only explanation.
For those of you who haven't heard of the Master Cleanse, it's basically a 10 day journey into Hades, where the only thing you're allowed to consume is warm salt water, Senna tea, and lemonade made from maple syrup, lemons, and cayenne pepper.
WTF, ya'll.
This magical concoction supposedly has the power to cleanse your system of anything that may be plaguing it. Ulcers? Banished! Mucus? Finished! Acne? Deceased! Third nipple? Ok, you'll have to go to a dermatologist for that. But it's a minor procedure and you could probably do it on your lunch hour.
When I first read about this cleanse, I have to say, I was NOT AT ALL skeptical. I accepted it as mother's milk. I attempted it at that time. I actually got to the very place I am now. The fourth day. But I had a lunch meeting with a client and I felt it would be unprofessional to not eat and only drink from a bottle that I was keeping in my purse. …And I was starving to death. Also, there weren't any mind blowing "results"...if you catch my drift. Ew.
This time around I'm wiser and with that wisdom has come the skepticism. However, regardless I am sticking to it this go-round. I'm determined to do the whole ten days. Even if nothing happens at least I can say I did it all the way through and be able to say with authority that the Master Cleanse is a crock of shit. Whereas the last time there was a little voice in my head that kept nagging me with things like "I bet if you had stuck with it just one more day something big would have happened." I must dispel of these questions and find the truth I so desperately seek.
You may be wondering what it must feel like to not eat for four days. Unless of course you're anorexic. Then you're probably not wondering that at all. For the rest of you I’ll tell you it's hellish. That's the only word I can think of. Sure, there are some benefits that I've noticed. I have a little bit more energy. My circulation seems a bit better. I have more time in the day now that I no longer need a lunch break. Who likes those anyways? I’ve also developed a ridiculous sense of smell. But I don’t know if I would consider any of these things amazing, starve-yourself-stupid-to-get benefits. On the whole I just feel hungry. That's it. It seems to be all I can think of. From what foods I miss, to what foods I want to try, to how much I miss chewing, it's ALL I can think about.
I feel ridiculous and I'm really having the hardest time continuing this. I keep reading all these other people's experiences and I just feel like calling bullshit.
Who knows? Perhaps by tomorrow all will be righted. I don't really see that happening though unless I find my face in a pepperoni personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut®.
Either that or this cleanse forces a brontosaurus from my bowels.
posted by hi at 2:09 PM
2 Comments:
I tried that last year, and biking up nostrand ave all I could smell was fried chicken, needless to say I think I only lasted 3 days..
I feel your pain.. it's super intense as a thing to do!
You should try these liver cleanse pills from the whole foods store.. they definately helped me.
Hey!
I just finished a 7-day attempt at the MC a little over a week ago. Stick with it. When I was on day 4, i was feeling the EXACT same way (i.e. WTF, these ppl are insane, this is total BS) but by day 7 i felt great and would've stayed for the full 10 if extenuating circumstances had not prevented me. At about day 7-8 the cleansing effects kick in, ifyougetmydrift.
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