How befitting.
Dear Stephanie,
What happens if you feel like you let Mr. Right slip through your fingers?
Circumstances aside & you were really compatible, I mean there was something really there..
How do you get him back? Is there a way to get him back?
Or if it's over should you let sleeping dogs lie..
Sincerely,
Miss. Wrong
Dear Miss Wrong,
First off, you're not Miss Wrong. I realize times like these are prime for the "I completely suck" parties. You'll be best off if you realize quickly that these do no one any good. All the questions in your head (maybe if I hadn't done this, or said that, or been this way...) are ultimately useless. You can't change the way things went down.
You can however, learn from it. If he really was someone special and his opinion was something you valued on lots of other topics, keep that in mind. Try not to dismiss it just because it's something you really don't want to hear. Of course, I could be burned at the stake for heresy for saying so, but not everything guys come up with is pulled directly from their asses.
I hope no ones head has exploded.
Your energy would be best spent assessing why it failed. This could yield one of two results:
Things ended because of some *thing* that you did wrong. This could include, but is not limited to, cheating, lying, setting up a meth lab in his bathroom, whatever. In the event that this is the case, apologizing, groveling, and gift giving could work. Remember that the gift should be equal to or of greater value than the offense. So, if you put regular milk on his cereal instead of soy and he had a severe allergic reaction, buy him a soy milk cow and pay his emergency room bills. BUT. If you cheated on him with his mom... Well, you better have a yacht and a Penthouse pet stashed in your rainy day jar...and even then, God hep you.
However, if, as is the case most of the time, there were just some issues you had that somehow inhibited a healthy progression of the relationship, your time is better spent focusing on these things. Alone.
I would, for the time being, let it go. Focus on learning what you can from this relationship for yourself, and not just in the hopes that he will come back when you've "fixed the problem". If the connection was there then maybe it can work again one day, but right now something just isn't working for him. Respect that.
And you never know...maybe the space and time will help you see whether he was really the right one for you.
Also, you can't really put circumstances aside. Relationships don't exist in vacuums. It's the bumps and the issues and the problems that reveal our selves and either bring us together or pull us apart. You can't say, "Well if I didn't have such and such hang-up..." or "If he didn't work so much..." Those things are as much a part of the relationship as anything else. When all is said and done, the million of reasons aren't really the point. It's whether you two value the realtionship enough to get past those hurdles.
It always comes down to the good vs. the bad, the investment vs. return. There has to be a balance.
Keep in mind that you deserve someone that, in spite of all the problems that can happen, is still there because it's worth it.
xoStephanie
Dear Stephanie,
What happens if you feel like you let Mr. Right slip through your fingers?
Circumstances aside & you were really compatible, I mean there was something really there..
How do you get him back? Is there a way to get him back?
Or if it's over should you let sleeping dogs lie..
Sincerely,
Miss. Wrong
Dear Miss Wrong,
First off, you're not Miss Wrong. I realize times like these are prime for the "I completely suck" parties. You'll be best off if you realize quickly that these do no one any good. All the questions in your head (maybe if I hadn't done this, or said that, or been this way...) are ultimately useless. You can't change the way things went down.
You can however, learn from it. If he really was someone special and his opinion was something you valued on lots of other topics, keep that in mind. Try not to dismiss it just because it's something you really don't want to hear. Of course, I could be burned at the stake for heresy for saying so, but not everything guys come up with is pulled directly from their asses.
I hope no ones head has exploded.
Your energy would be best spent assessing why it failed. This could yield one of two results:
Things ended because of some *thing* that you did wrong. This could include, but is not limited to, cheating, lying, setting up a meth lab in his bathroom, whatever. In the event that this is the case, apologizing, groveling, and gift giving could work. Remember that the gift should be equal to or of greater value than the offense. So, if you put regular milk on his cereal instead of soy and he had a severe allergic reaction, buy him a soy milk cow and pay his emergency room bills. BUT. If you cheated on him with his mom... Well, you better have a yacht and a Penthouse pet stashed in your rainy day jar...and even then, God hep you.
However, if, as is the case most of the time, there were just some issues you had that somehow inhibited a healthy progression of the relationship, your time is better spent focusing on these things. Alone.
I would, for the time being, let it go. Focus on learning what you can from this relationship for yourself, and not just in the hopes that he will come back when you've "fixed the problem". If the connection was there then maybe it can work again one day, but right now something just isn't working for him. Respect that.
And you never know...maybe the space and time will help you see whether he was really the right one for you.
Also, you can't really put circumstances aside. Relationships don't exist in vacuums. It's the bumps and the issues and the problems that reveal our selves and either bring us together or pull us apart. You can't say, "Well if I didn't have such and such hang-up..." or "If he didn't work so much..." Those things are as much a part of the relationship as anything else. When all is said and done, the million of reasons aren't really the point. It's whether you two value the realtionship enough to get past those hurdles.
It always comes down to the good vs. the bad, the investment vs. return. There has to be a balance.
Keep in mind that you deserve someone that, in spite of all the problems that can happen, is still there because it's worth it.
xoStephanie
posted by hi at 12:07 PM
5 Comments:
what makes you the expert on this?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Definitely not an expert. I didn't go to school for
this, nor have I had a job to test/develop any sort of
counseling skills. I have zero credentials. I like to
refer to myself as incredible...
I do, however, like to listen and I love to write.
Sometimes you can't go to your closest friends. I'm here to offer some objective, if not fresh advice.
Of course I realize my advice could be totally wrong.
It has been known to happen, but just getting the
problems out can help.
Being anonymous makes it easier to talk without
prevarication. Being able to talk without censoring can help get a clearer picture of the problem and the best way to fix it.
At any rate, whether I'm an expert or not, whether I
fix things or make them worse (God forbid..), my main goal is to just to be here to offer my advice to
anyone who should need it.
However, if you're referring specifically to this topic I can say I've definitely kicked myself in the ass for letting certain guys get away.
To paraphrase: "If only I hadn't been such a megasshole bitch, maybe I wouldn't be such a loser right now."
But in all honesty, at the end of the day, you realize that no one "gets away". If the relationship is right, you do all you can for it to work because it's just worth it. If you can't be faithful..if you can't trust people..whatever the problem is, you turn on those issues like a rabid dog for the right person.
If the relationship ends, it's not that it's necessarily wrong, but all of the doubts and issues just end up pulling more weight than the reasons to stay together.
Whether my decision or theirs, I've had relationships end and that felt like the most senseless things I'd ever been through. But the older I get the more (and the quicker) I see that there are sound and irrefutable reasons these things happen. Whether it's given at the time or not, you do eventually come to a place where you see the truth in all it's shining brilliance.
God bless closure. I had never really experienced the full effect of it until recently, but it's a pretty miraculous feeling. Although I've never personally had a ton of bricks on my chest, so therefore have no idea what it feels like to have them removed, nor have I ever been saved at the last second from being annihilated by a careening, runaway train, but I imagine that it's similar.
lame
Your mom's lame.
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