I just loved the Oscars last night. I'm not a huge fan of award shows. They seem so boring and most of the time the stars that are being honored act like big brats and I just want to smack someone. If someone gave me an award I'd probably faint and cry and kiss everyone in the room. It's just such an honor to be recognized for something you're passionate about so it really gets under my skin to see someone ungrateful or underappreciative. There should be a gratitude-o-meter on the stage. So say when people like Zach Braff get up there and start acting all snotty the award gets yanked right out of their hand and the floor opens up under them and swallows them whole. Three cheers for that idea.

Anyways, it was a night of love for me. I just loved all of it. Everyone there seemed just pleased as punch. Ellen Degeneres was excellent..although I would've been more happy if she had worn a dress. There's just something about a tomboy lesbian in a dress that I adore. Otherwise she was perfect.

Even the political asides were so devoid of the alll-too-common self-righteous air. Everyone there was so united. It truly felt like a great community getting together to love and honor each other.

Ok enough with the love.

Worst dressed:

Abigail Breslin

I'm sorry. I know she's 12 or whatever, but she ISN'T SEVEN. Why on earth did she wear something that looks employees fromLisa Frank, Laura Ashley, and The Children's Place just took turns vommiting on her? Maybe it's my serious aversion to seeing any young girl between the ages of 5 and 18 dress up (they just look so awkward!), but she looked ridiculous up there in the front row. I could've smacked her. I really could've.

Rachel Weiss



Was she in a wedding earlier? From the looks of the crazy lipstick and the out of control hairdo, it seems as if she lost track of time making out with a groomsman in a closet and had to rush over on her motorcycle. You've looked better..

Beyonce Knowels



Now, don't get me wrong. Beyonce is what I like to call 'Beyond'ce. You could tar and feather the girl, cut off all her hair, and put her in a potato sack and she would still be hotter than you. You just don't really see people that are this amazingly attractive very often. That being said, why does she insist on perpetuating the Barbie™ doll thing. I mean, come on. You're already on the verge of looking absolutely ridiculous just from being so ideal, so why would you wear clothes that seriously make you look like I just unwrapped you on Christmas morning?! Oscar Barbie™!!!

Kirsten Dunst



Kirsten, Kirsten, Kirsten. WHY!? I am all for thinking outside the box..but next time could you please remember to take your sense and a full length mirror along with you when you step outside the box? And on that note, what box were you trying to think outside of? The "looking good" box? It's not just the dress...or the hair...but more the fact that I feel a little burned by this bad decision. I love the Olsens, I love Chloe, I love Maggie...so I take it as an insult of my judgement when one of them goes so far into the edgy/quirky that it loops around to bad. There's a fine line and if you can't walk it, don't even try.

Kelly Preston



Wht can I say? You buy your dress off the sale rack at Victoria Secret the day of the show, this is what you're going to end up with.

Jennifer Hudson ON THE RED CARPET



I understand she's trying to hide her big arms, but why would you do it was tin foil? Why try to hide something not terrible with something that is? You're just drawing more attention to your big arms AND you're poor fashion sense. Wait. This just noticed. There are pockets! POCKETS!? What would she keep in there?! Snacks? Her speech? Her Oscar? I am not a fan of the formal pocket.

Jennifer Lopez



"Hi I'm Jennifer Lopez. Remember when I dated Puff Diddy and I wore a black spandex crop top and skirt ensemble circa MTV's The Grind and a ponytail to the Grammy's?"

YES I DO. And no amount of whatever this soccer mom meets pregnant blinged out greek goddess nonsense look is going to make me forget it.


Best Dressed:

Kate Winslet



I could just breathe her she looks so fresh! Or chew her like a piece of gum! Who's going to say she wouldn't freshen my breath??

Penelope Cruz



Would you just look at that! Look at her go! You dont get any better. She looks like she escaped from a perfume commercial and I think it's perfect. When I go to the Oscars I know I'm going to dress up to the MAX. All out ballgown time. When else do you get to do that? It's nice to see that Penelope and I are on the same page.


Meryll Streep



Now, I know a lot of people would not agree with me, but I have to give Meryll some serious claps for this. Maybe its the fact that she looks exactly like my kindergarten teacher and I just want to curl up in her lap and make popscicle art. But also, for an older actress I feel like it's perfectly acceptable to wear something that might do just as well at a PTA meeting because hell, she probably did just come from a PTA meeting. Also, I imagine that she and Jessica Lange sit around with members ot the "distinguished academy" drinking whiskey and slamming the poor hollywood starlets that go balls out year after year and don't just chill. I think that's a run-on...oh well. It was for Meryll.


Nicole Kidman



Dear Beyonce,
This is how one would go about getting the Barbie™ doll look right.
Sincerely,
Stephanie

p.s. Did you know my dad is in love with Nicole Kidman. Um, yea dad. That's like being in love with puppies. OBV.

Anne Hathaway



Everyone is hating on poor Anne for this dress and I just don't get it. I love it. I just love it so much. She looks stunning and I think everyone is just jealous. One website went so far as to call this Valentino dress a "bedspread". I would pay to see Garavani Valentino backhand the piss out of whoever wrote that.


Gwenyth Paltrow



I can't say that this picture does any justice, but when she walked out on stage I was so impressed. It fits like a glove and what a body there is to fit. Two babies have done wonders for this skinny lady's figure.

Cate Blanchett



Nevermind that she looks like a robot assasin from the future tha would laser beam my head off if I said anything even remotely negative about the way she looks...she looks like a robot assasin from the future tha would laser beam my head off if I said anything even remotely negative about the way she looks!!

and as for the best thing of the entire night




COULD YOU JUST CHEW ON HER FLAWLESS FACE!?


I could for at least 10-15 minutes.