I was fixing myself breakfast and contemplating my life this morning...as one does.
As I was slicing my apple up I started going over the idea of patience and acceptance and satisfaction. I've sort of come to a point in my life that I'm affectionately referring to as the 'eye of the storm'. Trite and completely unoriginal, I know, but bear with me.
There's been a lot of trauma lately (recent and not so recent, physical as well as mental). It's left me soaked to the bone and wholly out of breath. But also it's left me invigorated and above all prepared and better for the wear.
Of course I whined and cried why me all through every single experience. I Kicked and screamed and cursed this life I was blessed with. But now I feel like I've been (amazingly) given a moment to breathe. A scene from Tomb Raider (I) keeps coming to mind (as usual): some nondescript evil guy punches Angelina Jolie in the face. She shakes it off and just looks back at him and smiles. What a sassy bitch! And then she beats him back to Babylon. With a motorcycle.
Ok, It's an eerie sense of accomplishment, but an accomplishment nonetheless. I'll take it where I can get it these days.
So, whether I get back up and say that wasn't so bad, or get handed a plate of bullshit by some piece and decide to take the high road and "yeah I can see where you're coming from" or any other number of things that would usually have me spitting in someone's face...hey, that's something that I'm putting on the score board. I can keep the calm. I can make it through. Alive. In one piece. One big accepting piece. The eye of the storm isn't as scary as it sounds. Of course there's a whole other side of the storm to get through, but it can be alright if you can keep it from raging inside as well as out.
All this of course comes on the heels of last night...when I got punched in the face, so to speak. And although I can't say I smiled...actually I did the opposite. I cried like the big fucking baby. Nor can I say that I beat the puncher back to anywhere. However this morning I did beat back all of the confusion and disbelief and every inclination that wanted to bargain or argue. And man it felt good to have those exhausting chores off my back.
Pain will always hurt. But it seems to heal faster when you accept that it's part of life and some things are outside of the control of your tiny, mouse hands.
As I was slicing my apple up I started going over the idea of patience and acceptance and satisfaction. I've sort of come to a point in my life that I'm affectionately referring to as the 'eye of the storm'. Trite and completely unoriginal, I know, but bear with me.
There's been a lot of trauma lately (recent and not so recent, physical as well as mental). It's left me soaked to the bone and wholly out of breath. But also it's left me invigorated and above all prepared and better for the wear.
Of course I whined and cried why me all through every single experience. I Kicked and screamed and cursed this life I was blessed with. But now I feel like I've been (amazingly) given a moment to breathe. A scene from Tomb Raider (I) keeps coming to mind (as usual): some nondescript evil guy punches Angelina Jolie in the face. She shakes it off and just looks back at him and smiles. What a sassy bitch! And then she beats him back to Babylon. With a motorcycle.
Ok, It's an eerie sense of accomplishment, but an accomplishment nonetheless. I'll take it where I can get it these days.
So, whether I get back up and say that wasn't so bad, or get handed a plate of bullshit by some piece and decide to take the high road and "yeah I can see where you're coming from" or any other number of things that would usually have me spitting in someone's face...hey, that's something that I'm putting on the score board. I can keep the calm. I can make it through. Alive. In one piece. One big accepting piece. The eye of the storm isn't as scary as it sounds. Of course there's a whole other side of the storm to get through, but it can be alright if you can keep it from raging inside as well as out.
All this of course comes on the heels of last night...when I got punched in the face, so to speak. And although I can't say I smiled...actually I did the opposite. I cried like the big fucking baby. Nor can I say that I beat the puncher back to anywhere. However this morning I did beat back all of the confusion and disbelief and every inclination that wanted to bargain or argue. And man it felt good to have those exhausting chores off my back.
Pain will always hurt. But it seems to heal faster when you accept that it's part of life and some things are outside of the control of your tiny, mouse hands.
posted by hi at 3:18 PM
1 Comments:
i wish my hands were gigantic, stephanieyogi
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