I recently went through a break up. It lasted almost the entire duration of the relationship.

Has that ever happened to anyone? Is it me? I imagine it's probably me.

My real point isn't this though. Now that it's really (really) over, no one is there. No one is sleeping next to me. No one's home to watch me cook dinner...or eat it with me for that matter. No one's there to walk the dog when I can't. Bummer.

It's ironic that my main complaint is that I needed my space.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not considering that the decision to end things was a bad one, but it just gets under my skin that even while with someone that I had so much friction with still made me dependent on the mere companionship.

As I was talking this over with a dear friend, she happened to mention that goes away, that I just have to get used to the empty house, and that I'd be back to being happy with being solo or just hanging out with my friends. This is true. It's happened many times before. But my question is why is craving the companionship so bad? I don't see anything wrong with it.

Of course, I've been in relationships before where the level of time together was toxic...and one could argue that this was the case recently as well, but I think that there really is this fear among women here in NY of admitting that they want companionship.

The madness stops here. I admit it! I want a companion. I want someone I trust enough to give my email password. I do. So there.

However, as God as my witness, I will not settle. I jut have to make that promise...because I can't keep getting close to it and then have to just end it...and therefore not have anyone to share my magnificent dinners.

Except Lucy.