Dear Stephanie -
I have a couple of friends whom I discussed some business endeavors with a few years ago. They were very supportive and wanted to be a part of the endeavor. However, the idea lay dormant for over a year until I put it together (read: legwork) and got it going. Approximately 7-8 months in, these friends came knocking and wanted to get involved. I gladly obliged but things aren't going smoothly. It's more of a hassle and power struggle. The business isn't contingent upon they're efforts.
In an ideal world I would love to work with them but have slowly come to the realization that I would like to maintain their friendship over doing business with them.
How should I approach them about this without causing a huge rift? What should I do? Can I break up with them professionally and maintain their friendships (which I really enjoy and value)?
Thank you in advance for the advice.
- ME
Dear ME,
1 business start-up
1 driven person that makes it happen
Simmer for 7-8 months
Just before serving garnish with an unnecessary handful of friends to confuse the flavor.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the recipe for a pipe bomb. Have you been arrested on the subway when thinking about this situation? Do people "say something" when they see you?
But seriously, unless I'm missing something here, it sounds as if you've done a lot of the hard work by your lonesome and these people have decided to step in at the 11th hour, change things around a bit so they don't feel like complete schmucks for taking credit for what you've done, and walking away patting themselves on their smug backs.
Not so much into that.
When I first started this blog almost a year ago, I was going to start it with 2 friends. Due to crazy schedules I ended up the only one that was able to commit to it. Although I value them both to the enth degree, if they were to come to me now wanting to jump on Le Bandwagon, I'd have to say no. Yes, it'd be nice to have 3 people sharing the load, but not at this stage. In the grand scheme I'm happy that I don't have to really worry about acting for a group. I can say what I want, when I want, how I want, etc. What’s further, I’d no doubt have to explain the way things are done ‘round here step by step, and inevitably have my logic questioned at some point. Cue the bloodshed.
It makes perfect sense that's it's been primarily a power struggle. There's a big difference between talking about riding a bike and actually getting on it, rolling up your pant legs so you don’t get gear grease on you, finding your balance while making sure you're not going to get hit by something, checking everything around making sure you won't run into a someone, and then, as an afterthought, enjoying the wind in your hair.
What I'm saying is that the nature of things change very much once you get into them. You know the business intimately and are familiar with the most efficient, best way to handle things day to day. Having these folks walk in only serves to distract you.
Now...the best way to get them out of your hair without ruining the friendship? Tricky. I think being honest (to an extent) is the best bet. I would say tell them that the business has become very much your brainchild. There are things that have changed from when you all started out talking about it in the very beginning and you believe that since coming back together, there've been some things that they've had problems with that you can't compromise on.
It will require you to put most blame on yourself, but not to the extent that you look like a tyrant. If you just simply state that after having your hands in the dirt for 8 months, through trial-and-error, there are things that you've learned that work and those that don't, and to have them question you on that isn’t working. A power struggle isn't something you're looking for. At this stage you're looking for support and to grow. You have moved away from the drawing board essentially, and now that they've come back into the picture, you feel as if you have to keep going back there and defending why you’ve done certain things.
The best way to keep them from taking it personally is to have as formal a meeting as you can. That way it'll be apparent that this decision lives in the business world solely.
If you feel like they would be assets to the company to some degree, feel free to talk further about that, restating that you're very confident in the business plan and the operation of things, but you definitely need their help in other areas, such as marketing or design or getting coffee or answering the phones.
Whatever it is that makes them special.
But if you do continue to work with them in some capacity, be sure to outline beforehand really very clearly what it is you expect from the relationship from the start.
These ones sound like they need to be ruled with an iron fist.
I have a couple of friends whom I discussed some business endeavors with a few years ago. They were very supportive and wanted to be a part of the endeavor. However, the idea lay dormant for over a year until I put it together (read: legwork) and got it going. Approximately 7-8 months in, these friends came knocking and wanted to get involved. I gladly obliged but things aren't going smoothly. It's more of a hassle and power struggle. The business isn't contingent upon they're efforts.
In an ideal world I would love to work with them but have slowly come to the realization that I would like to maintain their friendship over doing business with them.
How should I approach them about this without causing a huge rift? What should I do? Can I break up with them professionally and maintain their friendships (which I really enjoy and value)?
Thank you in advance for the advice.
- ME
Dear ME,
1 business start-up
1 driven person that makes it happen
Simmer for 7-8 months
Just before serving garnish with an unnecessary handful of friends to confuse the flavor.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the recipe for a pipe bomb. Have you been arrested on the subway when thinking about this situation? Do people "say something" when they see you?
But seriously, unless I'm missing something here, it sounds as if you've done a lot of the hard work by your lonesome and these people have decided to step in at the 11th hour, change things around a bit so they don't feel like complete schmucks for taking credit for what you've done, and walking away patting themselves on their smug backs.
Not so much into that.
When I first started this blog almost a year ago, I was going to start it with 2 friends. Due to crazy schedules I ended up the only one that was able to commit to it. Although I value them both to the enth degree, if they were to come to me now wanting to jump on Le Bandwagon, I'd have to say no. Yes, it'd be nice to have 3 people sharing the load, but not at this stage. In the grand scheme I'm happy that I don't have to really worry about acting for a group. I can say what I want, when I want, how I want, etc. What’s further, I’d no doubt have to explain the way things are done ‘round here step by step, and inevitably have my logic questioned at some point. Cue the bloodshed.
It makes perfect sense that's it's been primarily a power struggle. There's a big difference between talking about riding a bike and actually getting on it, rolling up your pant legs so you don’t get gear grease on you, finding your balance while making sure you're not going to get hit by something, checking everything around making sure you won't run into a someone, and then, as an afterthought, enjoying the wind in your hair.
What I'm saying is that the nature of things change very much once you get into them. You know the business intimately and are familiar with the most efficient, best way to handle things day to day. Having these folks walk in only serves to distract you.
Now...the best way to get them out of your hair without ruining the friendship? Tricky. I think being honest (to an extent) is the best bet. I would say tell them that the business has become very much your brainchild. There are things that have changed from when you all started out talking about it in the very beginning and you believe that since coming back together, there've been some things that they've had problems with that you can't compromise on.
It will require you to put most blame on yourself, but not to the extent that you look like a tyrant. If you just simply state that after having your hands in the dirt for 8 months, through trial-and-error, there are things that you've learned that work and those that don't, and to have them question you on that isn’t working. A power struggle isn't something you're looking for. At this stage you're looking for support and to grow. You have moved away from the drawing board essentially, and now that they've come back into the picture, you feel as if you have to keep going back there and defending why you’ve done certain things.
The best way to keep them from taking it personally is to have as formal a meeting as you can. That way it'll be apparent that this decision lives in the business world solely.
If you feel like they would be assets to the company to some degree, feel free to talk further about that, restating that you're very confident in the business plan and the operation of things, but you definitely need their help in other areas, such as marketing or design or getting coffee or answering the phones.
Whatever it is that makes them special.
But if you do continue to work with them in some capacity, be sure to outline beforehand really very clearly what it is you expect from the relationship from the start.
These ones sound like they need to be ruled with an iron fist.
posted by hi at 2:07 PM
2 Comments:
i think your blog is fantastic! also...i think we went to high school together maybe? i found your blog on myspace - clicking on friends' friends' friends until i found something interesting (i think i was probably supposed to be "working").
Dear K,
Thank you SO much!! I really appreciate it...so much. I can not for the life of me figure out how to write directly to you...I swear I'm not computer illiterate. Ok, maybe a little bit. But Blogger is so obnoxious sometimes!
Please have my email weareverywellthankyou@yahoo.com
Let's talk more about your blog and how we know each other.
xoS
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