Dear Stephanie
I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year. The time with her has been so easy and great. We get along great and I'm pretty happy. The relationship is easy and laidback. Our one year anniversary is coming up and I'm thinking about telling her that I'd like to move in with her. She's made it clear that she wants to move in and I know she'd be into the idea, but I just want to make sure the time is right and that our anniversary is the right time to bring it up.

Sincerely
Ready & Waiting

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Dear Ready & Waiting
Congrats on having what sounds like a wonderful relationship! There was something about the succinctness with which you described the relationship that imparts an atmoshpere of ease and clarity.
As for whether it's the right time, I say of course: if you're ready and you know she is too I think this will be a decision that will be surrounded by light and joy. It seems though as if you're wondering if this ought to be your gift or not.

I have to say not.

While definitely the right time, that isn't the right vehicle. You and she are joining your lives and it shouldn't be looked as a concession or anything like that. If so the whole decision takes on a slight sacrificial tone at the least, a slight ego-maniacal quality at most.

However I do think your anniversary is a good time to bring it up and great way to be quite romantic. To start I think that you can just reiterate what you wrote to me and let her know that this is an easy and logical choice for you.

Perhaps something like this: 'Today we've been together a year and when I really think about that, I realize our relationship has been easy for us and the time has really flown by. Knowing this and trusting how we've handled the last year and everything that's come up makes any of the anxiety or apprehension I have sort of go away. I'd love to move forward with you and if you're still interested I'd love to start looking for a place to live together.'

Or something like that. Whatever you do just don't be a Glen Gulia.


Yikes.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

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For everyone out there - let me know what you think! Ladies, would you want your guy to combine something like this on a big day or save it for another to make a new anniversary? Guys, have any great stories about these big steps that you maybe messed up a bit?? Let me know!

Something is amiss in the land of Blogger.

I do not see a title bar. Will this post even go through? Is this all for not? Probs.

So just to catch you all up who are possibly still following this blog: I'm doing medium-sized things!

I have a 27th birthday coming up. I was laid off earlier this year and in an effort to not go literally insane with the frenetic idleness of it all, I'm trying to make strides of my own. I applied for a grant for a documentary, I started the first chapter of 'my first book' (WEIRD), I started the first step in a very funny little booklet I'm making, and I sent in my radio show pitch (fingers crossed please).

All of these things feel like...well...hi it's about time! But I think that very idea is what has continuously stalled me to this day: the idea that I 'missed the boat'.

However, I was listening to This American Life the other day (of course) and there was a story a man was telling about his parents that had been recently laid off. He went to visit them shortly after and he had audio of his mother's answer when he asked the inevitble: Now what?

"Well, I always wanted to do a book on the unseen rooms at Versailles."

This was a woman who had for many, many years, been a sales associate at a jewelry retailer in the local mall. What creativity! What balls, really is the first thing I thought.

...after I stopped crying, that is.

I won't say that this immediately inspired me to light the fire and take on the world. I have super intrusive and gripping issues with self-actualizing, going after what I want without fear, and just generally knowing what that even is. But I think for the time being this woman is serving as a little nugget of proof that my current idea that it's 'too late', or that I look foolish taking on such projects that ought to have been explored at a younger age, is just wrong.

Says who!? Well. Says me.

But I can say other things! And today I say TODAY is a fine day to try.

therapy has started again. courage dear heart, where you go is a place of love and understanding.

remember when?


there was a particularly excellent episode of saved by the bell where the kids go to a party and drink beer. the next morning they have these hangovers that are the most overacted, ridiculous things.

genius. i remembered it today and was thinking "how ridiculous! they would never be that hungover...absurd try at dissuading America's youth from the 'bad' things".

but hilarious nonetheless.

but then i thought: to a healthy 16 year old body that (theoretically) has never had one once of toxin in it, recovering from a night of drinking must feel like death. i have a hazy recollection of drinking a little bit of red wine at a family party when i was nine or ten. i recall having an absolute splitting headache and being dizzy a couple hours later and my grandmother telling me i'm an idiot. nice on, grandma. i cant remember clearly though how awful it felt. it must have been incredible. the first headache. worse than any others because of how foreign it must have been

anyways. i think that too was one of my first headaches. i've been thinking about my psychological wellness in regards to my body and how it affects me day to day and i have to say, it really fluctuates too much. but the question is do i feel badly because i look bad or do i see myself as fat or having bad skin or whatever because i feel badly.

who can know!?

this may be a problem.


i've recently taken a new job, and while it's no fault of my new employer, i've also developed a habit of buying things online. lots of things online.

i'm sure that this isn't for lack of things to do here at work. i can barely eat sometimes. but i haven't had a job where i sit in front of the computer from 9 am till 6 pm, 5 days a week in, let's say...at least 2 years.

the last time i did i developed such a severe IM and Myspace habit i forced myself to give it up for Lent. the dependence had gotten out of control. that is to say, my "all about me" surveys dominated the interweb much the way Lucy dominates Ari on their play dates. not cool.

i'm not sure exactly how to keep my wallet from being raped and pillaged daily, but i'm gonna take a wild guess about why i'm blogging right now.

Issues of Racism in the Fashion World


Below is an excerpt from a posting by a woman who is a fellow memeber of Ladies Lotto. LL is an organization comprised of...super women basically. There are some amazing members and I thank my stars that I have such an amazing networking tool at my disposal. Not to mention times like these when the ladies post random topics of interest to women today that are out there blazing a trail for the most divine of genders, and in doing so create a great dialog of thoughts and opinions.

This particular topic was brought up by Lizz Wasserman of
Popomomo, a great eco-friendly clothing line, as well author of the blog material concern. Lizz works in the fashion industry and has been a little more than ticked off at the lack of diversity in the fashion world. Read her thoughts below.


Oh Vogue! American Vogue’s shoots are staid, the
stories filled with insight into how to “stave off hunger” (i…ummm…eat
when hungry), and shows me pictures of rarely interesting wealthy women
who “can do it all” with several nannies, a trust fund, a husband
(preferably soon to be ex) in finance and a beautiful gi-normous
flat.With all the above though, i’ve grown to accept this from American
Vogue: i take it all with a grain of salt (ooh bloating!) but move on.
But, hypocrisy, especially hypocrisy involving the “whitewashing” of
racism is not okay.The past couple seasons in fashion have been really,
really…white. On the runways, there has been very little diversity: in
the shows last fall, over a third of shows (101 total) employed no
black models. And then, Vogue was called out for the lack of diversity
on its covers: clay cane’s blog has the most exhaustive tally i’ve
seen, starting with Beverly Johnson’s cover in 1974.However, Vogue
hasn’t had a lot of African American models on the cover: under Anna
Wintour’s reign approximately 10 black women have been solo on the
cover of Vogue (that’s since 1988), and only 4 since 2000: Marion
Jones, Halle Berry, Liya Kebede and Jennifer Hudson. There have been
several other black women on the cover in ensemble shoots with white
women. Vogue got a lot of s(*&t for not being equal opportunity: and
decided to passive-aggressively respond with a hypocritical article “Is
Fashion Racist?”The article starts by telling us about the horrible
situation of racism in fashion, primarily trying to shift blame to the
runways. At one point the article cites Chanel Iman’s Vogue
Cover:Please note it’s a fold out. Please note which side of the fold
she’s on.Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit Vogue: it’s not just the runway’s
fault. The only reason we don’t see beautiful people of every color
prominently as models is due to racism and the perceived racism the
magazines and lines have of their customer. And Vogue’s 5 page spread
of the 3 black models Anna Wintour felt like showing is cheesy and
awkward.i will not be renewing my subscription.


Truthfully those are ridiculous numbers but Vogue is a RIDICULOUS MAGAZINE. Of course I always have to play devil's advocate though. I wonder if we should criminalize Vogue, run predominately by white, rich women (although their fashion editor at large, Andre Leon Talley, is a black man. just sayin.) for taking aim at their and patronizing with articles and features their demographic: white, rich women. And also what giant fashion houses are run by black men or women? I won't portend that I know a lot about the fashion business but I can't really think off the top of my head of any.I'm not saying this is right, but mearly wondering if it's really so shocking that there should be such a huge misrepresentation of the diversity of american culture. I don't think that Vogue has ever labeled itself as a magazine for all the american people. It's exclusive by definition. However, I will say that it's combination of racial and economical exclusivity is disconcerting. I'm sure there are just as many wealthy, over-privelaged, boring black people as there are wealthy, over-priveledged, boring white people, yet there's a lack of obnoxious profiles devoted to them. In terms of why there aren't enough black models I think we should turn to blaming the beauty ideal of stick-thinedness (not a word) and perhpas not jump to the conclusion that it's because of skin color. True it probably is partly to do with skin color but I'm sure a good deal of it has to do with the fact that when it comes down to it high fashion wants rail-thin, gaunt, waifs that look like they're made out of paper and no one does that better than white girls! Ok, maybe asians.
My point is this: I suppose Essence would look ridiculous with a white man on the cover. However, Essence clearly proclaims that it's for the african-american community. Perhaps Vogue should have a postscript on every cover. It could read: VOGUE: FOR THE RICH PEOPLE, WELL...MOSTLY THE RICH, WHITE PEOPLE, BUT IF YOU MAKE ENOUGH (OR ARE SKINNY ENOUGH) WE'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.

Would they come under fire I wonder? I mean at least they're being honest.

HEY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL!!

(that's what I call myself every morning...what?)