Snooping.
Recently a friend of mine got bit by the curiosity bug when the person she was dating left some private info right out in the open. Of course, she read it. Anyone who is shocked isn't a human. As it turned out, what she read made her cry, yell, and eventually confront him. Needless to say he was less than stoked about the fact that she had read this info. But they talked, or rather they had a yelling match and after a good healthy round of I dare you to keep a secret, the dust has settled and neither of them has been killed off.
I maintain that she technically didn't snoop, but it made me consider what my opinion of such an act is anyways.
I have to say that snooping is a good idea 99.9% of the time. I know, I know; it's someone else's private stuff, you find out things that will most likely upset you, it's dishonest, etc. But c'mon. It's all about staying informed.
Of course I admit that there have been a couple times where snooping has done damage. Real damage. We-shouldn't-know-each-other-anymore damage. But I just imagine that was how those were going to go anyways. It just sped up the process. One could call it a facilitator. Something turns on inside and says hmmm...so you see if it's founded or unfounded.
Also, in this day of Wikipedia, Google, and Ask Jeeves*, I've become really used to knowing everything at any given moment. Nothing is off limits. How much money did Paula Abdul make last year? Got it. How do I build a satellite phone out of gum? Check. 10 things not to say at a job interview? Well now I know.
I'm no longer used to not knowing something I feel I need to. I think the question is whether you choose to use the info.
I mean, people like to keep secrets and most of the time those secrets should be kept but other times they absolutely should not. Sure you can let the other person make that decision or you can get down in the mud pit and mold your own destiny.
I've had experiences where I've learned things both on accident and also quite purposefully and in most cases I choose to just swallow the info because while it may not have been pleasant, it wasn't harmful, or was written in the heat of anger, or was completely in the past, or really was not my business at all.
However there have been a few choice times where I thanked the heavens for being as meddlesome as I am. Times where I know had I not snooped I would've never ever been told the truth and doing the job myself saved me a world of pain and embarrassment, albeit at the expense of an awkward confrontation with information I'm not even supposed to know. But if that's the price, I'll pay it.
I want to admit wholeheartedly that saying I can respect someone's need to privacy only after I've learned what it is they're keeping secret and deemed it as a non-threat to me and mine is as hypocritical as the day is long. But that isn't my whole point.
Sure all of this is easy for me to say, never having been the victim of snooping, but that's just not even true. I used to be the lyingest liar around and a queen of secret things. A pass time of mine was collecting things to hide, both tangible and intangible. Eventually a few people around me got tired of it and snooped in everything I owned and pretty much discovered I had nothing to hide. This was really embarrassing; I was hiding things just to do so, hoarding my life away in a really unhealthy way. Nothing I was hiding was of any consequence or value and I was completely devaluing genuine privacy.
There's a real difference between being private and being secretive. I learned this then and have tried to rid myself of secrets ever since.
I think to me the fundamental difference is whether relationships would crumble if certain information surfaced. Sure there are a lot of things that I would prefer to not discuss with a lot of people but nothing (or at least I try to make it nothing) that would ruin a relationship.
But also...perhaps all this post does is go to show that privacy is quite intimidating to me. But that was no secret. I am, after all, a Gemini, the cosmic ship's communications officer.** There's nothing more exhilarating and refreshing to me than a good session of airing it out.
* Who the hell uses Ask Jeeves? Maybe I should ask Jeeves.
** Yes. I really did just used the term "cosmic ship".
Recently a friend of mine got bit by the curiosity bug when the person she was dating left some private info right out in the open. Of course, she read it. Anyone who is shocked isn't a human. As it turned out, what she read made her cry, yell, and eventually confront him. Needless to say he was less than stoked about the fact that she had read this info. But they talked, or rather they had a yelling match and after a good healthy round of I dare you to keep a secret, the dust has settled and neither of them has been killed off.
I maintain that she technically didn't snoop, but it made me consider what my opinion of such an act is anyways.
I have to say that snooping is a good idea 99.9% of the time. I know, I know; it's someone else's private stuff, you find out things that will most likely upset you, it's dishonest, etc. But c'mon. It's all about staying informed.
Of course I admit that there have been a couple times where snooping has done damage. Real damage. We-shouldn't-know-each-other-anymore damage. But I just imagine that was how those were going to go anyways. It just sped up the process. One could call it a facilitator. Something turns on inside and says hmmm...so you see if it's founded or unfounded.
Also, in this day of Wikipedia, Google, and Ask Jeeves*, I've become really used to knowing everything at any given moment. Nothing is off limits. How much money did Paula Abdul make last year? Got it. How do I build a satellite phone out of gum? Check. 10 things not to say at a job interview? Well now I know.
I'm no longer used to not knowing something I feel I need to. I think the question is whether you choose to use the info.
I mean, people like to keep secrets and most of the time those secrets should be kept but other times they absolutely should not. Sure you can let the other person make that decision or you can get down in the mud pit and mold your own destiny.
I've had experiences where I've learned things both on accident and also quite purposefully and in most cases I choose to just swallow the info because while it may not have been pleasant, it wasn't harmful, or was written in the heat of anger, or was completely in the past, or really was not my business at all.
However there have been a few choice times where I thanked the heavens for being as meddlesome as I am. Times where I know had I not snooped I would've never ever been told the truth and doing the job myself saved me a world of pain and embarrassment, albeit at the expense of an awkward confrontation with information I'm not even supposed to know. But if that's the price, I'll pay it.
I want to admit wholeheartedly that saying I can respect someone's need to privacy only after I've learned what it is they're keeping secret and deemed it as a non-threat to me and mine is as hypocritical as the day is long. But that isn't my whole point.
Sure all of this is easy for me to say, never having been the victim of snooping, but that's just not even true. I used to be the lyingest liar around and a queen of secret things. A pass time of mine was collecting things to hide, both tangible and intangible. Eventually a few people around me got tired of it and snooped in everything I owned and pretty much discovered I had nothing to hide. This was really embarrassing; I was hiding things just to do so, hoarding my life away in a really unhealthy way. Nothing I was hiding was of any consequence or value and I was completely devaluing genuine privacy.
There's a real difference between being private and being secretive. I learned this then and have tried to rid myself of secrets ever since.
I think to me the fundamental difference is whether relationships would crumble if certain information surfaced. Sure there are a lot of things that I would prefer to not discuss with a lot of people but nothing (or at least I try to make it nothing) that would ruin a relationship.
But also...perhaps all this post does is go to show that privacy is quite intimidating to me. But that was no secret. I am, after all, a Gemini, the cosmic ship's communications officer.** There's nothing more exhilarating and refreshing to me than a good session of airing it out.
* Who the hell uses Ask Jeeves? Maybe I should ask Jeeves.
** Yes. I really did just used the term "cosmic ship".
posted by hi at 5:38 PM
1 Comments:
Isn't the sign of Gemini represented by "twins"? Maybe the icon has misinterpreted and really means one who is duplicitous by nature. Smiling when angry/sad or vice versa. Glad you found some bubbles and shared your air.
Corey
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