Dear Stephanie
My cousin lives in the same city as me, and we are in a similar field. This obviously brings out my competitive nature. He can be very aggressive, and sort of tends to not give a shit. People love this type of youthful arrogance I guess, because he's been doing well in his chosen field. I on the other hand, have also been doing well, but I am aggressive in a different way. Anyways to get to the point; he, by some fluke of scheduling and also twist of fate, has scored a really great space to show some of his new work that he has been making. The only thing about this is that the opening falls on the same day as my birthday. I don't know how I feel about this, partially I feel happy for him, to see him succeeding, but the other side of me feels insanely jealous. The other part of this problem is that we share a lot of the same friends, and the girl he is dating, is one of my best friends. Which event will they go to? Will there be time for both? I try to not care about brithdays, but last year I had a sad little drinking session with a few friends and it made me miserable. The year before that, I had a big rager, it was exciting to say the least. Now I'm not expecting the same sort of thing, maybe something in between those two. Isn't your birthday the one day that people can shower you with attention and love? I am just worried he has already stolen the spotlight.
Signed,
The Banal Cousin
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Dear Banal Cousin,
Banal? Really??
Honestly. Don't be ridiculous.
Ok moving on.
While I definitely understand one's birthday being of the utmost of importance to them, in terms of days of the year, but I do think you're letting a lot of prior issues get you really down about this.
Some things to keep in mind while trying to gain some perspective: 1) I'm sure, if I know anything about the gallery system, that your cousin had no choice in the day of the opening. Everyone knows what that weird familial competition is like, but most of the times it's not something that's real. Unless you're a Boelyn girl. MY GOD! Well...praise be that you aren't.
2) I think that the success that both of you are getting has been due to your talents, rather than your personalities as you say. Yes I'm sure that your personalities have something to do with it and the aggressiveness definitely is something that's necessary, but talent is the top. Give yourself more credit. You're really making it more personal than it ought to be, and therefore of course you feel more hurt than you want to.
This leads me to my 3rd idea:
3) It was interesting that you made a point to mention that he was aggressive and had a certain personality that was in contrast to yours. I'm sure that it's not a huge revelation, but I think the whole problem is that you're nervous (and rightly so) that on this holy of holy you days, he's going to steal your thunder and, for lack of a better way to put it, be more popular than you.
I know that I would hate it if I had to deal with this on my birthday on top of planning the party. Inherently, party planning comes with this worry that no one will show up and even worse, you're convinced that everyone will be elsewhere making fun of you...ok maybe that's just me.
Anywho, it definitely isn't ideal that you should have to schedule around anything or anyone, but it may actually turn out to work in your favor. You say that you're friends with most of the same people. This opening will be jammed packed with friends of yours and his, and after the festivities of the more exciting cousin are over, people will most likely looking for a place to continue the fun. What's more fun than more celebrating??
Nothing.
The control freak in me does suggest sending out an email a few days before the opening letting people know your birthday after party will be at such and such place at such and such time. And definitely include your cousin on this list so that he doesn't go throwing his own after party and he's aware that he isn't the only one with something worth celebrating.
My cousin lives in the same city as me, and we are in a similar field. This obviously brings out my competitive nature. He can be very aggressive, and sort of tends to not give a shit. People love this type of youthful arrogance I guess, because he's been doing well in his chosen field. I on the other hand, have also been doing well, but I am aggressive in a different way. Anyways to get to the point; he, by some fluke of scheduling and also twist of fate, has scored a really great space to show some of his new work that he has been making. The only thing about this is that the opening falls on the same day as my birthday. I don't know how I feel about this, partially I feel happy for him, to see him succeeding, but the other side of me feels insanely jealous. The other part of this problem is that we share a lot of the same friends, and the girl he is dating, is one of my best friends. Which event will they go to? Will there be time for both? I try to not care about brithdays, but last year I had a sad little drinking session with a few friends and it made me miserable. The year before that, I had a big rager, it was exciting to say the least. Now I'm not expecting the same sort of thing, maybe something in between those two. Isn't your birthday the one day that people can shower you with attention and love? I am just worried he has already stolen the spotlight.
Signed,
The Banal Cousin
--------------------------
Dear Banal Cousin,
Banal? Really??
Honestly. Don't be ridiculous.
Ok moving on.
While I definitely understand one's birthday being of the utmost of importance to them, in terms of days of the year, but I do think you're letting a lot of prior issues get you really down about this.
Some things to keep in mind while trying to gain some perspective: 1) I'm sure, if I know anything about the gallery system, that your cousin had no choice in the day of the opening. Everyone knows what that weird familial competition is like, but most of the times it's not something that's real. Unless you're a Boelyn girl. MY GOD! Well...praise be that you aren't.
2) I think that the success that both of you are getting has been due to your talents, rather than your personalities as you say. Yes I'm sure that your personalities have something to do with it and the aggressiveness definitely is something that's necessary, but talent is the top. Give yourself more credit. You're really making it more personal than it ought to be, and therefore of course you feel more hurt than you want to.
This leads me to my 3rd idea:
3) It was interesting that you made a point to mention that he was aggressive and had a certain personality that was in contrast to yours. I'm sure that it's not a huge revelation, but I think the whole problem is that you're nervous (and rightly so) that on this holy of holy you days, he's going to steal your thunder and, for lack of a better way to put it, be more popular than you.
I know that I would hate it if I had to deal with this on my birthday on top of planning the party. Inherently, party planning comes with this worry that no one will show up and even worse, you're convinced that everyone will be elsewhere making fun of you...ok maybe that's just me.
Anywho, it definitely isn't ideal that you should have to schedule around anything or anyone, but it may actually turn out to work in your favor. You say that you're friends with most of the same people. This opening will be jammed packed with friends of yours and his, and after the festivities of the more exciting cousin are over, people will most likely looking for a place to continue the fun. What's more fun than more celebrating??
Nothing.
The control freak in me does suggest sending out an email a few days before the opening letting people know your birthday after party will be at such and such place at such and such time. And definitely include your cousin on this list so that he doesn't go throwing his own after party and he's aware that he isn't the only one with something worth celebrating.
posted by hi at 4:05 PM
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