The Internet is starting to FREAK ME OUT.


I've been noticing this strange trend lately with pop-ups, ad banners, and spam emails: they all seem to be revolving more and more around me. Now, I know that it could very well just be me being self-absorbed, but as I am quite aware of how self-absorbed I am, I think I take these observances with a bigger grain of salt than anyone else. Having said so, I can honestly say my self-absorption isn't the problem here. It has seriously come to the point of creepsville and I can no longer chalk it up to mere out of hand conceit.

I'm sure it's right about here you're cutting your eyes at the computer screen, thinking, "What the hell is wrong with this person".

1) I had coffee today for the first time in about 5 months. That is a whole other story unto itself...and,
2) I have examples damn it.

Ex #1: Today I received about 734 spam emails. Not entirely uncommon, as I've had my email address pretty much since the day I learned how to speak. Consequently, everyone under the sun has it by now. I wouldn't be surprised if the emails I get from people in small villages in obscure African countries pleading for my help in shady business transactions actually did come from people in small villages in obscure African countries. I take "famous on the Internet" to a whole new level.

Anyways, as I was busy sorting through the morning barrage, I noticed that I was having a slightly harder time than usual deciphering between loving emails from friends and these sneaky bastards. And then it hit me: the spam emailers all had first names of people I not only know, but correspond with regularly. These messages weren't from James or Sally (I don't know anyone named Sally...), but Francesca, Magdalena, and Linda. These aren't everyday names. They just aren't.

(Please keep in mind this is the creepiest example. The creep the broke the creeped out camel's creeped out back, if you will. The following examples will all be less creepy, but ultimately serve as creep support.)

Ex. #2: I'm on About.com about once a day, researching recipes, weird ailments, cures for weird ailments, etc. Lately I've been noticing the banners have been increasingly more apropos. The best example I have is, of course, the most recent. I spent an entire day last week googling horror movie posters (what?). The next morning, as I'm looking up what on earth I should do with the chicken that's been residing in my freezer for a good 9 months, a pop-up pops up for allposters.com. What do you think their advertising image is?? Of course it's a poster from the Halloween 3. A Francais no less! The very poster I was looking for! Could you be anymore obvious!?!



I had just seen the movie, if you really must know.

Ex #3: On the numerous occasions I been log into my yahoo account, they're always advertising some service or other that yahoo offers. Lately they've been advertising the personals a little too much if you ask me. Why I ask are the featured profiles either of a guys in Houston or guys in Brooklyn...I'm sorry..but I realize yahoo has provided me my most relied on form of communication over innumerable years and for free to boot...but this is sort of insulting. Are they aware of how few love emails I get? Is THAT what we're getting at here?

Now I know I've made quite a disorganized, if not completely uninteresting stab at this conspiracy theory, but the facts can't be denied. I'm choosing to take these somewhat insubstantial events as flat-out threats...

All together, these things very clearly state: "We know what you're up to everyday.... and we could make things easy for you, tailoring pop-ups and banners to your needs, but there's a flip side to this coin, girly...cause you damn well know we're keeping tabs of everything else you search around for...and we mean everything..."


I have been officially warned. As have the rest of you.